Lousy

I remember it was till I was in 7th standard.

I used to love dressing up.

Trying different hairstyles, always wearing long earrings and chains or necklaces and bracelets and carried a side purse/bag. I used to also own so many different shoes & sandals.

I used to love dressing up.

It’s when 8th started, something weird happened to me. Maybe it was puberty or maybe it was depression. Whatever it was, changed me.

I stopped dressing up. I felt no matter what I’d do or wear I would never look pretty or be good enough. I stopped doing everything I used to do earlier.

Now it was just the same grey top and pair of jeans every alternate day.

A part of me died. The “Dolled Up” part of me, was dead.

I’m 19 now and I still don’t like dressing up.

The only difference is now I have a valid reason or infact a reason. I don’t like dressing up now because I don’t have time.

That’s what I tell myself, that’s what I tell my mom and the ones around me think I’m a “tomboy” so don’t really expect much.

I really don’t know how and what happened and I stopped dressing up and turned into the “Lousy” girl I am today. Sometimes I really wish I could start all over and maybe love myself better and not consider any opinion important enough to change my choices.